mixed mind salad

dressing optional

An open letter to a backstabber

We have known each other for almost a year and I was quickly drawn in by your kindness and friendliness and apparent eagerness to help whenever possible.

You told me on many occasions (and continue to do so) what a true friend I am and how happy you are to have someone to talk to who would understand your point of view.

I naïvely began to trust you and let you in to my world and I shared with you thoughts and information that I would normally guard. I gave you access to my previous blog as a way for you to understand the journey I am on to search for relief and understanding of the anxiety and depression that so often befriends me.

You told me how much you enjoyed reading this, which at the time made me think that letting you in was the right decision. Now I know this not to be the case and thanks to you I have no desire to write on that blog anymore. Thanks to you, that record of my journey, which turned out to be the best form of therapy for me, is no longer a place where I can write freely.

What you failed to remember is the fact that you gave me access to your emails to help you while you were on holiday, and when I first discovered the extent of your back-stabbing efforts I was initially hurt, angry and then started to feel vulnerable.

You also failed to have the decency to talk to me about your frustrations but chose instead to go to our boss resulting in her calling a meeting with me to give me the opportunity to explain my version of the story. A story that you blew out of all proportion wasting everyone’s time in the process, including your own. When you went to her did you remember to tell her just how much she too frustrates you too how incompetent you think she is?? I suspect the answer to that question is no!

Did it ever occur to you that the reason you are always stressed and short of time is the fact that you take three times as long as everyone else to perform a task, which I know you see as being thorough, but when other people are doing better than you, you lash out and accuse them of cutting corners or cheating the system.

I understand what it feels like to be backed into a corner and truth be told I forgave your selfish act because of that.  However, knowing that you are still lashing out and pointing fingers to justify your own mistakes just proves to me what a coward you really are.

The worst part is not the fact that you have stabbed me in the back on more than one occasion. It is the fact that you’re behaving as if none of this has ever happened with your (fake) friendliness and compliments, which leads me to conclude that you have no clue that I am aware of your true colours. However, I am not going to assume this to be the case so I shall continue to pretend to know nothing and be the friendly and understanding person while observing your behaviour with my guards up.

I hope that one day you will find some healthy relief from whatever the real problem is.

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6 responses to “An open letter to a backstabber

  1. Cindy N August 27, 2010 at 11:09 pm

    Remember one thing, my friend. Whoever this person is, it’s THEIR problem….not yours. I detest backstabbers-as much as I detest people who prey on the perceived emotional weakness of others.
    Rise above the fray. 🙂

  2. J August 27, 2010 at 11:25 pm

    Thank you Cindy.

    I totally agree it is his problem although for the moment his backstabbing has created problems for me too. However, I am not going to play that game despite having enough “ammunition” to play with. Hopefully one day he will realise that blaming someone else for his own mistakes may just backfire.

  3. Viv August 28, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    I shall bring you over a stabvest when we come to visit soon…
    And Cindy is right that you must be better than this guy, though he is capable of causing you a serious problem.
    What hurts me is the fact that you have been so forced to abandon your original blog; that is not right.

    • J August 29, 2010 at 1:31 pm

      Thanks Viv, I could use a few!!

      The fact that I have been forced to abandon my original blog has hurt me too but I can’t see the point of writing on there if I can’t write freely!

  4. shiona August 31, 2010 at 9:16 am

    I agree with Viv. It’s not right to leave behind your previous blog.
    By doing this, in my opinion, you give this person some power over you. I understand it is very hard to put up with the thought that he might be reading it and getting to know your inmost world when you no longer trust him. But still I believe we need not apologize or be afraid of who we are and what we feel. Let him think whatever he wants to. Unless he can really hurt you or harm you at work, you shouldn’t care whether he reads or not.
    In fact, I feel sorry for this guy. He might pretend that nothing wrong has happened, but deep inside he knows he’s lost you.

  5. opoetoo September 24, 2010 at 9:45 pm

    I kept hearing this as I read:

    Some will eat and drink with you,
    Then behind them su-su ‘pon you.
    Only your friend know your secrets,
    So only he could reveal it.
    And who the cap fit, let them wear it!
    Who the cap fit, let them wear it!
    Said ah throw meh corn, me no call no fowl;
    Ah saying, “Cook-cook-cook, cluk-cluk-cluk.”

    Bob Marley Who the cap fit

    dont get cooked cooked cooked 🙂

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